Camp Creek Blog

Part 2 of my interview at Mama of Letters

Published by lori on March 6, 2013 at 07:47 AM

More deep questions about Project-Based Homeschooling at Shelli’s blog this morning — be sure to check it out.

Shelli: As I read your book, I could see that it’s very important for children to be able to present their findings to some kind of audience. While my six-year-old is happy to show his creations — for example, the model of the Titanic — to anyone who wants to see them, neither does he want to explain what he has learned about the Titanic, nor does he want to put it in book form, charts, puppet shows, or anything else. (And, yes, I have written his questions and progress in a journal, and I have asked him what else he would like to do, etc.) Is this just his age, and can I assume that as he gets older, he’ll want to go farther with his projects? Is the model of the Titanic enough because he has decided it’s enough? How do I encourage him to share his knowledge?

Click over to read my response!

Stop preshrinking your opportunities

Published by lori on March 4, 2013 at 10:27 AM

In PBH we talk about how preplanned curriculum sets limits on what children can learn. When you sit down to write a lesson plan or unit or plan a theme or make a lapbook, you filter what’s possible and decide what’s reasonable for a child to learn.

In contrast, when children are set loose to learn whatever they want to know about a subject, they operate with no limits. No one has decided ahead of time what’s reasonable, what’s too complex, what’s possible.

They end up building a much more complex and detailed understanding. They go beyond the most obvious facts someone else might choose for them and they learn thing that most people don’t know. They become experts.

Why do adults do this? Why do they curtail what children can learn by deciding ahead of time what’s possible and reasonable? Because it’s a real time-saver. Learning authentically and organically takes time. It doesn’t follow a checklist. It requires adult mentors/teachers/facilitators who are willing to follow along and support without knowing ahead of time what’s going to happen. It requires putting doing in front of measuring (which is the correct order, by the way).

Now here’s where we take it to the grown-up level: Stop preshrinking your own opportunities.

Stop making it small before you even get started. Stop saying it’s not a big deal. Stop whittling away at your dream. Here’s how it’s supposed to work: you have a BIG dream and the world whittles it down for you. You don’t whittle down your OWN dream.

Stop putting artificial limits on what’s possible. Why are you building fences already? You don’t even know where you might go!

Stop playing it safe. Stop hedging your bets. This is it, baby. Your one wild and precious life. Stop worrying about going too big — it’s the big, epic stuff we remember and care about. When you make it small, you make it forgettable. You will care less about it yourself — how are other people going to feel?

Stop worrying about failing. Success and failure are two sides of the same coin — you don’t get one without the other. You can’t insulate yourself from risk and live a life that matters. It would be much worse to come to the end of your life realizing you risked nothing and therefore accomplished nothing. When you protect yourself from failure, you protect yourself from living.

Stop worrying about being embarrassed. You get used to it. Do you want your kids to hide their light under a bushel because it’s too embarrassing to let people see what they can do? Do you want them to hold back their talents from the world because it’s too embarrassing to show they care about something? Get over it!

Stop being so shy and humble. You don’t have to broadcast to everyone that what you’re doing isn’t important and you’re sure it won’t really add up to anything. Let the future unfurl on its own.

When you make it small before you even get started, you are doing the same thing as curtailing what kids can learn by giving them a lesson plan instead of the freedom to explore what interests them in their own way.

When you say, “here’s the lesson — do this,” you know from the outset what’s possible. When you instead start with a child’s question and build outward organically, you eventually end up with a big piece of work — a project — the result of authentic inquiry. It’s big, it’s real, and it’s meaningful. That’s not something you can preplan. 

Don’t make the same mistake with your own opportunities. Don’t just grab some precut, prepackaged idea of what you can do or who you can be. Don’t cast around for a reasonable plan for yourself. Don’t decide ahead of time what you’re capable of. Wait and find out what you’re really capable of.

Your starting place is this: This is what I do well and this is what interests me.

Now work from there.

Invest in yourself and your talents and abilities. Not just money — invest time. Invest energy. Think about what you do well and instead of just throwing that in your plus column and going back to what you suck at, spend more time on your talents. It’s your talents and abilities that make you special, not the fact that you can’t seem to declutter your house.

Focus on your deep interests. Learn to pay attention to what engages you, what makes you curious, what makes you angry. Pay attention to what makes you lose time and get lost in the flow. Pay attention to what makes you feel happy and productive and useful. Do you feel guilty just thinking about spending time on yourself? That’s why you’re lost. That’s why you struggle. The better you know yourself, the better you can access your meaningful work and share it with the people who need it.

Connect with your community. Not just the town you live in — the world you make for yourself when you choose where to put your attention. What are smart, interesting, useful people doing and talking about today? Go hang out with those people. What does the world need that you know how to give? Figure that out.

Don’t preshrink your own opportunities. When you feel that urge to make it small, to whittle it down, to shove it out of sight, stop and think about how you’re feeling. Confront your fears. Confront your embarrassment, your shame. Then knock down the fences, throw away the lesson plan, and just focus on becoming who you’re supposed to be and doing what you’re supposed to do. This is your life. Go big.

Interview at Mama of Letters

Published by lori on March 4, 2013 at 08:39 AM

Shelli at Mama of Letters reviewed PBH:

If you want to understand how you can support your child’s interests and foster independent thinking and entrepreneurship, then you need to read this book.

What Pickert has done with her book is explain in an easy-to-read and practical manner what parents can do at home to ensure that children will take charge of their own education and gain essential skills. If that sounds far-fetched, I suggest you read the book. — 

She has been doing project work with her own young children:

By listening to him and taking my time, I figured out what to do when he got stumped. And surprisingly, he did do quite a bit of the design and construction.

This was his work, and I was his servant for the day. When he finally glued the paper towel tubes on the top for the smoke stacks, he had a boat he could be proud of, and I was proud of him.

He did a lot of thinking that day, problem solving, and he began to understand that setbacks are inevitable. I’m also proud of myself.

She followed up her review by interviewing me. She really drilled down into the ideas from the book and asked some good questions, and my answers were so overly long that the interview is going to come out in three parts, the first of which is available today:

The most important thing is to remember that it’s a process. You are learning how to mentor, and your child is learning how to direct and manage his own learning. Mentoring means slowly transferring the power to him and helping him learn how to be in charge of his own learning. You should try to stay out of his way as much as possible and leave him room to have his own ideas — but that doesn’t mean never making suggestions. It just means waiting to see if he will have his own ideas and supporting those first.

He needs an environment that supports independent working, he needs you to model how to ask questions and research and make and share, and he might need you to help him recognize and articulate his interests and questions.

Being a mentor means helping him slowly take control — and it means showing him the ropes.

Be sure to check it out if you are interested — and I’ll update when parts 2 and 3 are available. I’ll be answering questions in the comments of the last post.

Thank you, Shelli, for the great questions and the great review!

Friday link round-up

Published by lori on March 1, 2013 at 08:06 AM

Happy Friday! This week on facebook… and some bonus content I didn’t post to facebook as well…

“What story it is I want to tell with my talents? … When I look ahead ten years from now I want to be living my passion. This is just the map to get me there. Pushing off and testing the waters so to speak, exiting the planning stage and creating something, leaving my mark in the world so that I can turn to my daughters one day and say, ‘This is what I have created. Know that you can create something for yourselves too.’” — growing a business: choosing @ under a big blue sky

This is the message of the PBH for Grown-Ups series: that the best way to help our children live an authentic life is to strive for that ourselves. Speaking of which, I added a new quote to that page that says it all:

Train up a child in the way he should go — but be sure you go that way yourself. — Charles Spurgeon

More inspiration from Paul Graham:

I'll start by telling you something you don't have to know in high school: what you want to do with your life. People are always asking you this, so you think you’re supposed to have an answer. But adults ask this mainly as a conversation starter. They want to know what sort of person you are, and this question is just to get you talking. They ask it the way you might poke a hermit crab in a tide pool, to see what it does.

“If I were back in high school and someone asked about my plans, I’d say that my first priority was to learn what the options were. You don’t need to be in a rush to choose your life's work. What you need to do is discover what you like. You have to work on stuff you like if you want to be good at what you do.” — What You’ll Wish You’d Known, by Paul Graham

This reminds me of a post Deb had about asking a teen friend who likes photography if she planned on being a photographer when she grows up.

The minute I said it, I realized that I was doing the very thing that some of the moms and dads and coaches whose kids play competitive sports do: trying to turn an interest into a vocation.

Why? Why do we do this? There is no reason to take something that a kid (or regular person, for that matter) is interested in and push them into making it something more. More. Why do we want everything to be MORE? And don’t you think doing that can ruin the very thing that was previously loved? — Grownups Ruin Everything @ Not Inadequate

One (ha) of my comments in response to this post:

My issue with asking the teenage girl if she wants to be a photographer when she grows up would be — isn’t she *already* a photographer? Do we disrespect the work that kids do because it doesn’t earn money? Because we assume it can’t be that good?

Lots of good discussion in the comments of that post and lots of ideas to unpack about interests and how they tie to income, future or otherwise — another thing we’ve discussed in PBH for Grown-Ups, specifically Getting Out of Your Own Way (self-talk: “Shouldn’t I be earning money for this? Or doing something else that could earn money?”)

When you’re helping your children develop their talents and deeply engage with their interests, how preoccupied are you with how they’re going to translate that into a future income?

How closely tied are education and future career opportunities in your mind?

It is one of the great testaments to the intellectual — and moral, and spiritual — poverty of American society that it makes its most intelligent young people feel like they're being self-indulgent if they pursue their curiosity. You are all told that you're supposed to go to college, but you’re also told that you’re being “self-indulgent” if you actually want to get an education. Or even worse, give yourself one.” — What Are You Going to Do With That? — The Chronicle Review

And speaking of giving yourself an education, maybe you’ll give yourself a job as well —

“My oldest son, Christopher, was not college material. You probably have the wrong idea: it’s not that Chris isn’t smart. Chris is brilliant. But brilliance is not enough to make you college material. Something else is needed: at least an average level of compliance.” — How the Bowyer Family Played the College Tuition Bubble @ Forbes

I have a brilliant, noncompliant son myself… but as a person who has always been self-employed, I am probably more comfortable with an alternate path than most.

Everything seems to point to the fact that our children will most likely be having nontraditional careers. Perhaps nontraditional education is the best preparation for that:

What will be required of our children in the future? They will have to be in charge of their own learning. As college students, as adults, as entrepreneurs, as tradesmen, as parents — they will have to make important decisions and figure out how to get the knowledge and skills they need. When we do start helping them learn how to direct and manage their own learning? When they are teenagers? When they are in college? We need to begin now. — The Myth of the Reluctant Learner

And in that same vein:

We need a curriculum of big questions, examinations where children can talk, share and use the Internet, and new, peer assessment systems. We need children from a range of economic and geographic backgrounds and an army of visionary educators. We need a pedagogy free from fear and focused on the magic of children's innate quest for information and understanding.” — Sugata Mitra: We Need Schools, Not Factories

Of course, if you’re homeschooling you own and operate your own school, so you can fit your child’s education to your particular beliefs. Don’t waste that opportunity — make the most of it.

Some inspiring posts about children and learning from this week:

“I learn a lot from my daughter. That fact releases me from a lot of concerns i used to have about homeschooling her. I homeschool with her. In fact, I can just say we learn together, because that is what we do. We build what works for us; we build it ourselves.” — If you want it, you can build it yourself @ Happyer at Home

A fantastic new series on authentic, process-based art from Amy:

I’m telling you: You are capable enough right now to sit down and make art alongside your kids (even if you think you can’t). If it only takes one person’s encouragement and that person hasn’t shown up in your life yet, I will be that person for you, if you’ll let me.” — {Art Together}: Getting Started @ Kids in the Studio

Annie’s words on helping kids make real books for their writing:

“Making books sends a special message to children as they begin their journey as readers, writers and artists. When you help a child write a book of their own, from the penning of the plot to the drafting of the illustrations, you create an object of permanence. You teach children that their work is valuable, that it is important, that it is worthy. You tell your child, and yourself, that each of us is a writer, an artist, a storyteller, or a poet. We are writers because we write. Artists because we make art.” — Creativity with Alphabet Glue @ Rhythm of the Home

And some important words on creativity’s importance for adults as well:

“Whenever I create something for myself, I have to fight off feeling a bit guilty… as if I was being too self indulgent. This is ridiculous because it’s actually an essential component of self-care. Just like exercise and fresh food is good for the body, creativity feeds the soul… and forming something for one’s self goes even deeper. It has the power to mend a broken spirit and give meaning to our making.” — worthy @ maya*made

And to go along with that, a quote I shared on facebook:

When my daughter was about seven years old, she asked me one day what I did at work. I told her I worked at the college — that my job was to teach people how to draw. She stared back at me, incredulous, and said, “You mean they forget?” — Howard Ikemoto

If you’re still with me, you might want to check out a new review of Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners:

“What Pickert has done with her book is explain in an easy-to-read and practical manner what parents can do at home to ensure that children will take charge of their own education and gain essential skills. If that sounds far-fetched, I suggest you read the book.” — Book review: Project-Based Homeschooling @ Mama of Letters

Shelli is following this up with a three-part (!) interview with me, so if you just can’t get enough Lori, you’re in luck. We’re going to do a Q&A on her blog at the end, too, so lots of PBH talk going on.

That’s all I’ve got this week. Still some stuff on Facebook I’m not sharing, so if you want every last bit of it, follow me there. (For instance, I quoted Seth Godin this week and set off a mini firestorm — you wouldn’t want to miss that!)

Be a part of the PBH community. Project-Based Homeschooling isn’t for only one kind of homeschooler — whether you’re a classicist or a radical unschooler or somewhere in-between, all kids deserve some time to direct and manage their own learning while pursuing their deepest interests. Read the posts on project-based homeschooling. Check out the book. Join the forum. Chat with me on twitter. Follow me on facebook. See my pinterest boards on learning, authentic art, play, and more. Come make friends, get some new ideas, and brainstorm about your challenges.

Allowing children to learn about what interests them is good, but helping them do it in a meaningful, rigorous way is better. Freedom and choice are good, but a life steeped in thinking, learning, and doing is better. It’s not enough to say, “Go, do whatever you like.” To help children become skilled thinkers and learners, to help them become people who make and do, we need a life centered around those experiences. We need to show them how to accomplish the things they want to do. We need to prepare them to make the life they want.” — Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners

 

The non-extreme path toward success

Published by lori on February 25, 2013 at 09:43 AM

This post is part of my Monday series on PBH for Grown-ups — you can see all of the posts here.

As you may have noticed, this series focuses on letting go of the need for ideal conditions and working with what you have.

If we let ourselves, we shall always be waiting for some distraction or other to end before we can really get down to our work. The only people who achieve much are those who want knowledge so badly that they seek it while the conditions are still unfavorable. Favorable conditions never come. — C.S. Lewis

You need to stop waiting until you have more time and just use the time you have. You need to stop thinking you need a writing hut or a workshop or a sewing studio and just make the most of the environment you have. And so on.

There is no need to buy more organizational supplies, no need to get the right equipment or the right wardrobe, no need to research just a little more. There is only the need to start.

Right here. Right where you are right now. With whatever you have in your pockets. Begin now.

It is not necessary to worry about extreme productivity. You can focus on being productive at all.

Stop worrying about managing your day when you can’t manage ten minutes.

Millions long for immortality who don’t know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. — Susan Ertz

There is no need to cruise Pinterest looking for the twentieth bit of advice, inspirational quote, or perfectly staged deskscape. You know enough to get you through today. You probably know enough to get you through this year. The advice, the inspiration, the reams of extra research will still be there — they’ll always be there. You can stop gathering and start.

You don’t have to worry about comparing the many, many apps that will help you keep track of your to-do list and help you get things done. Get a piece of paper. You can use the back of an envelope. Write down the top three things you’d like to accomplish today. Now cross out #2 and #3. See that one at the top? Work on that for fifteen minutes.

We need to move away from endless planning and toward action. That can be a difficult transition. In our fantasy, it is all perfectly arranged. We have the right clothes, the right room, the right tools. We could spend hours, days, months, years thinking about it and getting it right in our minds — and it still wouldn’t be manifested in our lives.

This is just another version of you being your own worst enemy. Negative, defeatist self-talk, check. And now set up all the artificial hurdles for why you can’t begin — first you have to get the perfect planner, the perfect bins, then you have to set up your workspace, do your research, declutter, and so on and so on. You are just pushing yourself back further and further from actually beginning.

Real writers don’t read millions of books about writing and spend their free time talking to people on writing forums — they write.

Real artists don’t flip endlessly through Pinterest and fret over the materials they can’t afford to buy — they make art.

Whatever it is you want to do, you need to stop pacing back and forth on the diving board and just jump in the damn water. Getting wet is going to teach you a lot more than all the thinking you’re doing on dry land.

Every time you are tempted to move from the action square back onto the planning square, take a deep breath. We don’t need extreme anything. We don’t need to be extremely productive — we just need to produce something. We don’t need to be extremely organized — we just need to know where our work is. We don’t need to do extreme marketing — we just need to share our work with someone.

There is always going to be an extreme version and there is always going to be a dead simple version that you can get going today. Choose dead simple.

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week. — George Bernard Shaw

Friday link round-up

Published by lori on February 22, 2013 at 11:08 AM

Before we get started with this week’s Facebook links, I also shared a few wintry thoughts this week at Rhythm of the Home:

We talk about what we want to accomplish over the cold months and they seem swept clean and bare — a clean surface for building something new. Winter is, for us, a time of anticipation and excitement. Outside, everything is dormant, waiting to burst forth in a few months. Our projects seem the same. We are planting seeds... — Midwestern Drifts @ Rhythm of the Home

“Midwestern Drifts” would be a great name for a jazz album. I love winter! Am I the only one?!

Now, onto what we shared and talked about on facebook this week — and remember, if you don’t want to miss any of these, you have to hover over the “Liked” button and make sure there’s a checkmark next to “Get Notifications.” Thanks for making it easy, Facebook.

I have a lot of conversations on Twitter and elsewhere about the future of work — what kinds of jobs will our kids have in a country that’s apparently swinging more and more toward a freelance/gig economy? I just assume my sons will be self-employed, if not for all of their careers, for part of them.

“[O]nline freelance work is growing at a record clip, outpacing progress in conventional job markets tremendously. Today there are some 14 million full-time online freelancers in America alone. By 2020, it’s estimated that one in three workers worldwide will be freelancing online.” — The Future of Freelance (and Why You Should Care)

Being in charge of your own learning is a great first step to being in charge of your own career. Are you doing any entrepreneurial education at your house? Do you think it’s a good idea?

And what about in our schools?

“American schools are failing because they are suppressing children by forcing them into a compliance-based model of education. All children are natural learners. We’re born with curiosity, creativity, wonder, and intrinsic motivation. Research shows that with more years of formal schooling, those very qualities are stunted tremendously.” — How Should We Rebuild the U.S. Education System? @ Forbes

“At an ideal school, adults understand that their mission is to help children grow not just cognitively, but also socially, emotionally, linguistically, ethically, and physically. We can’t address all those different development needs of children until we restore some balance to what we value.” — ibid.

I left a long comment on this article on my page — you can see it here

A quote from Paul Graham sums up my opinion:

The important thing is to get out there and do stuff. Instead of waiting to be taught, go out and learn. Your life doesn’t have to be shaped by admissions officers. It could be shaped by your own curiosity. It is for all ambitious adults. And you don’t have to wait to start. In fact, you don’t have to wait to be an adult. There’s no switch inside you that magically flips when you turn a certain age or graduate from some institution. You start being an adult when you decide to take responsibility for your life. You can do that at any age. — Paul Graham

I’m working on a post about this, specifically about how we inadvertently shortchange our kids when we depend too much on prepared, pre-digested curricula and activities.

I was inspired by this post about bullying:

“Someone threw a brick through the window of a six year-old Jewish boy who had displayed a picture of a lighted menorah there. But the attacker misjudged the community. People from all religions and walks of life acted to reject the attacks and the hate that motivated them. Among other events, the local paper published a full-page picture of a menorah. In days, there were 10,000 menorahs in the city’s windows. “Not in our town” was the message. As the police chief said, ‘Silence means acceptance.’” — It Takes a Village to Make a Bully, part 1 @ Beacon

It’s a powerful series about a mother whose daughter experienced terrible bullying in her school and in her community; this is only the first post. Check it out.

I followed up with a link to a post Seth Godin wrote about “the bullying power structure”:

When students are given permission to be their best selves, they take it, just as you and I would like to.” — Destabilizing the Bullying Power Structure @ Seth Godin

Another inspiring blog series by Amanda at Habit of Being sharing her process of making time for what matters:

“For those of you [who] are still turning their nose up at the thought of a routine, I say this: we all have routines whether we realize it or not. Maybe it’s the checking of email from the bed in the morning, the yoga stretches you find time for in the morning, maybe it’s the pick-me-up cup of coffee you have each afternoon, or the square of dark chocolate you savor after the house is quiet in the evening. The question is, are you making the most of yours?” — that thing called time, part deux @ Habit of Being

“Call it focus. Call it mindfulness, being in the moment, being present. It doesn’t matter what you call it so long as you practice it.” — that thing called time, part three @ Habit of Being

Be sure to read the whole series.

Amy shared some awesome project work being done by her four-year-old daughter this week:

This is such authentic work she is doing. She is working hard there, choosing to try to draw a coyote, noticing its colors and how many ears and legs it has, and where they are. She asked me where its nose was, and I showed her the snout and we talked about how the shape of the snout is one of the ways a coyote is distinguished from other dogs, and she worked at getting it right, at the same time understanding that she could make as many paintings as she wanted to try and get the coyote to look the way she wanted to.

This all makes me happy, not because my child is doing this but because I have created the space in which my child knows she can do this. She is not being kept distracted with “age-appropriate” busywork but instead allowed to choose her own work.” — {PBL} Scattering @ Kids in the Studio

And finally, some words to live by from Amy Poeher, talking about positivity:

It's very hard to have ideas. It's very hard to put yourself out there. It's very hard to be vulnerable. Those people who do that are the dreamers, the thinkers, the creators. They’re the magic people of the world. So try to strive to be one of those.Amy Poehler @ Upworthy

This goes along well with my own post this week on positivity:

You are the little fish and the people who have something to say about what you do and what you create are the ocean you swim in. It doesn’t matter. They are as natural as wind and tide. Human beings complain and nag and pick and offer up unwanted opinions the way they grow hair: naturally and pretty much continuously. There is nothing you can do to change that. Someone out there distinctly dislikes Meryl Streep right now. Someone else is writing an angry screed about Mother Teresa. You can rise above it or you can tune it out or you can tunnel through it like a mole, but you have to accept that it’s always going to be there. Then move on with your life, because you have more important things to do.” — Dealing with Haters

Let’s support one another, because it can be a cold world out there!

Be a part of the PBH community. Project-Based Homeschooling isn’t for only one kind of homeschooler — whether you’re a classicist or a radical unschooler or somewhere in-between, all kids deserve some time to direct and manage their own learning while pursuing their deepest interests. Read the posts on project-based homeschooling. Check out the book. Join the forum. Chat with me on twitter. Follow me on facebook. See my pinterest boards on learning, authentic art, play, and more. Come make friends, get some new ideas, and brainstorm about your challenges.

Surprisingly often, people will champion self-directed learning for children but not allow those children's parents the same freedom and respect. It's their way or the highway, and you had better start doing it the right way (their way) right away. Your kids should learn at their own pace, follow their interests, and you should trust that they'll eventually learn everything they need to know. You, on the other hand, should get with the program, right now, 100%, or else. You don't need to have your own opinions or ideas; ours will suffice. There's no time to experiment and see if these ideas work for you; take it on faith or you're part of the problem.

If your child deserves to learn at his own pace and have his own ideas, so do you. Whatever you champion for your child, make sure you also give to yourself: the right to follow your own path, work at your own pace, follow your own interests, make mistakes, and try again. Whatever you want for your children, you are far more likely to help them achieve it if you live it yourself.” — Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners

Dealing with haters

Published by lori on February 18, 2013 at 08:35 AM

This post is part of my Monday series on PBH for Grown-ups — you can see all of the posts here.

The first rule for dealing with haters is the only rule for dealing with haters: You don’t.

Haters are the open doorway in the TARDIS that leads to oxygen-free black space. That way lies nothing. Nil. Zero. Any energy you pour out that door just dissipates and ceases to exist. Spend time caring about haters? That time has been X-ed out. Worrying about haters? More of your time sprayed into nothingness.

You don’t even have enough time to deal with the people who LIKE what you do.

You don’t have enough time to teach everyone who wants to learn from you.

You don’t have enough time to create new work for the people who dig you.

You don’t have enough time to spend with your friends and the people who would like to be your friends.

There’s someone right now wishing you would call or e-mail. You evidently don’t have time for that person.

You don’t have enough time to spend with the people who YOU like and would like to learn from. You don’t have time to call and ask them to lunch. You don’t have time to get over your embarrassment about wanting to ask them for their advice.

You don’t have enough time to learn everything you want to learn. Forget about your meaningful work — what about all the stuff you’re interested in that doesn’t align with your talents and abilities? What about all that cool stuff you suck at? You want to learn to crochet or make homemade bread or play the guitar or build a trellis. But you don’t have time for that.

You don’t have as much time as you wish you did to learn, to read, to see movies, to take walks, to hold hands with someone you love.

You don’t have enough time to do all the work you’d like to do. You don’t have enough time to get better at what you care about.

You don’t have enough time for what matters.

So why would you waste even one iota of the time you do have on someone who hates on you?

The only reasonable response to haters is: Okey dokey, don’t let the doorknob hit you on the ass on your way out — and have a nice day!

Now: Invest your time, your energy, and your love in what loves you back.

Invest in what matters.

Reclaim all that real estate in your heart and your brain and your week for what loves you back.

Oh, I’m sorry, you do suck? Are the haters right? Then spend your time getting better. Everything you’ve already done is in the past. Concentrate on what you’re doing right now. Soon you’ll be living in the future. Start working on that.

If you need to take a moment to compose yourself, please do. Take a whole night. But don’t throw your life away because you can’t stand for other people to see your faults in the blazing sunlight. Everybody has faults. Stop thinking about yourself so much. No one else cares that much. They’re all mostly worried about themselves. Stop gnawing on what’s not working and get back to doing things that matter.

Perfection is not possible, ergo you are not perfect, ergo there is something you can be improving. And someone is going to be totally willing to point that out to you. And someone else is going to whisper in your ear that another person pointed it out to a whole roomful of people while you were in the bathroom.

For every maker, there are enough critics to blanket Mount Everest in snipe.

For every doer, there are enough kvetchers to pass him bodily around the earth seven times.

You are the little fish and the people who have something to say about what you do and what you create are the ocean you swim in. It doesn’t matter. They are as natural as wind and tide. Human beings complain and nag and pick and offer up unwanted opinions the way they grow hair: naturally and pretty much continuously. There is nothing you can do to change that. Someone out there distinctly dislikes Meryl Streep right now. Someone else is writing an angry screed about Mother Teresa. You can rise above it or you can tune it out or you can tunnel through it like a mole, but you have to accept that it’s always going to be there. Then move on with your life, because you have more important things to do.

You don’t even have time for the stuff you want to do. So be sure to spend every single bit you do have on what loves you back.

Spend it on something that matters.

Friday link round-up

Published by lori on February 15, 2013 at 02:52 PM

Happy Friday! This week’s links shared on Facebook:

“Help your child (at any age, really) by being willing to help out — but emphatically not to lead or rescue — in an extended, risky project that has real impact in the child’s community — school, neighborhood, church, synagogue, community center. But stay out of the way. Let the kids shape the project. Kids should find a project that will probably not succeed in all the ways they hope. Dreaming big, taking risks, and scaling back if and when you have to are fantastic skills. These skills are hardly ever taught in the school room…” — How Do We Prepare Our Children for What’s Next? @ MindShift

Well, that’s just PBH, right? Meaningful, self-directed projects with a mentor helping out but letting the child lead. Yes! All kids need this experience of driving their own learning. All kids need to be makers:

My son is 8. He’s a maker. Give him five unconnected objects and five minutes and he’ll make something amazing. He pulls the neighborhood kids into what he makes, creating communities of joyous co-creators. … Will his classes enable him or quash him? Will his teachers inspire him or suppress him? Will his schools nurture his brilliant divergence or force him into a convergent, one-size-fits-all model?” — My son is 8. He’s a maker. @ dangerously!irrelevant

I’m a fan of maker culture, but it doesn’t go far enough. Having kids make is great. But too many adults are setting up the equivalent of adult-organized Little League rather than letting kids grab a ball and a bat and figure it out themselves down at the corner lot. Kids need to go further than making. They need to share what they’re doing and go back and make changes and improvements. They need to work from their ideas, not a scripted theme. I’m going to write about this soon.

More about what kids really need to be learning:

“I was recently on a panel with a guy who was the chief engineer at NASA, and he was asked: what does NASA look for in its engineers? His answer? A basic solid foundation in sciences and math, the ability to conceive new ideas, innovate, communicate, and work on a team, diligence, hands-on problem solving skills, confidence, and respect. Fascinating isn’t it? His answer wasn’t about what school or what tier of school you have to come from, what grades you have to get. It’s a whole bunch of character skills!

Habits of mind — and too often, our kids don’t get an education that folds in the opportunity to develop those habits of mind. To develop those tendencies and character skills, we have to back off and give kids room to experiment, explore, fail, struggle:

Courageous parenting is related to the idea of permanent beta, that is, being a lifelong learner. You need to embrace the process of learning and developing skills, not just the outcome. And it is absolutely alright (in fact you should be encouraged) to go at your own pace.” — The Kids Are Not Alright; Stop Measuring Them All the Time @ big think

They also need to work on something they actually care about, which means moving beyond units and themes. This is meta, but I’ll quote from one of my posts from this week:

“Many people think “child-led learning” (or interest-led learning, or something resembling project-based homeschooling) is selfish. In their minds, encouraging children to follow their interests = letting them do whatever they want = having fun all the time = becoming selfish.

Maybe you are having the same thoughts about pursuing your own meaningful work — aren’t you just being selfish? Shouldn’t you devote more time to your children or your family or at least making a few bucks?

But how does that work exactly? Will you do a better or worse job of raising your children if you are connected with your own meaningful work? Will you be more or less likely to earn money if you’ve built up your knowledge and your skills? Will you be a better or worse leader for your family if you dedicate time toward becoming a better learner and mentor?” — Finding the true path to happiness

Encouraging children to follow their own interests doesn’t mean they’ll only have fun all the time — it’s the way they’re most likely to challenge themselves and work hard. Because they are truly self-motivated.

“If, as a teacher, you want your students to do their best, you have to have them practice what is effectively bad writing — no introduction, no conclusion, just hit the points of the rubric and provide the necessary factual support. … My students did well on those questions because we practiced bad writing.” — A warning to college profs from a high school teacher @ The Washington Post Answer Sheet

“[T]oo many students in AP courses were not getting depth in their learning and lacked both the content knowledge and the ability to use what content knowledge they had.” — ibid.

Any parent whose child is taking AP courses should be flattened by this article. These are our best students and we’re tossing out essential skills to grade a rubric.

Back to what kids really need to succeed:

The winners won’t just be those with more I.Q. It will also be those with more P.Q. (passion quotient) and C.Q. (curiosity quotient) to leverage all the new digital tools to not just find a job, but to invent one or reinvent one, and to not just learn but to relearn for a lifetime.” — It’s the P.Q. and C.Q. as much as the I.Q. @ New York Times

Does your curriculum include passion and curiosity? If not, better think on it.

Have you been reading the PBH for Grown-ups series? Austin Kleon sums up why we have to live the life we want for our kids here:

“You owe your kid food, safety, and love, but you also owe him your example. You give up on The Thing, and then when the kid grows up, he might give up on His Thing, too.

So don’t give up on The Thing.” — On Writing Post-Fatherhood @ Austin Kleon

Heather wrote an article about me this week, and I wrote a response. I loved what she had to say:

Lori talked over and over on her site about valuing the work that children want to pursue without reservation. About how to give it space, support, supplies, and kind, enthusiastic collaboration.

Was it any surprise that after practicing that kind of daily enthusiasm in her school, and with her kids, she would aim it, almost automatically, at everyone she encountered in the Internet? — Why you should favorite everything @ A Little Yes

And she pointed out that positivity toward others goes hand in hand with generosity toward ourselves:

“If I’m suspicious, critical, stingy and picky? Guess what kind of attitude I show my own nascent efforts?

On the other hand, when I approach others’ work with a desire to help, to collaborate, to get excited, to find what’s working?

I create a larger, more generous space for my own creativity.” — Why you should favorite everything @ A Little Yes

I was inspired to write a little more about positivity on this blog:

You can focus on what you don’t like, or you can focus on what you do like. Which one of those things is going to show you the way forward?

You can focus on your deficits, or you can focus on your strengths — which is going to make you stand out from the crowd?

You can focus on the people who lift you up or you can focus on the people who bring you down — which of those groups is going to help you fulfill your mission?

You can focus on what you can do or you can focus on what you can’t — which is going to help you live a life of action? — What soul-withering cold-calling taught me about positivity

I also quoted the great Randy Pausch, and I want to tie that back to something Austin wrote about in his post:

[I]f it was easy, everybody would do it. Randy Pausch said, “The brick walls are there for a reason. The bricks walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.” — What soul-withering cold-calling taught me about positivity

“Don’t listen to these parents. They are using the precedent of their failures to predict your own.

For every tired, overworked, bitter parent who tells you how much you won’t get done when you have kids, [there are] any number of moms and dads who make it work and make the work. They are out there. Find them. Hang out with them. Ask them how they do it. Let them be your role models.”  — On Writing Post-Fatherhood @ Austin Kleon

If you’re going to make progress on your meaningful work, you’re going to have to learn to get close to the things and people who lift you up and avoid as much as possible the situations and people that drag you down. To quote myself again (sorry), “it’s the light that will show you where to go.”

This post is already too long and I’m leaving out a couple of links I shared, so if you want to see all of it, follow me on facebook and don’t forget to hover over the “Liked” button and make sure there’s a checkmark next to “Get Notifications” if you want to see everything — and you do, right?!

Thanks for your support, your friendship, and your contributions to this community. I truly appreciate it. Have a great weekend!

Be a part of the PBH community. Project-Based Homeschooling isn’t for only one kind of homeschooler — whether you’re a classicist or a radical unschooler or somewhere in-between, all kids deserve some time to direct and manage their own learning while pursuing their deepest interests. Read the posts on project-based homeschooling. Check outthe book. Join the forum. Chat with me on twitter. Follow me onfacebook. See my pinterest boards on learning, authentic art, play, and more. Come make friends, get some new ideas, and brainstorm about your challenges.

Children, even when very young, have the capacity for inventive thought and decisive action. They have worthwhile ideas. They make perceptive connections. They’re individuals from the start: a unique bundle of interests, talents, and preferences. They have something to contribute. They want to be a part of things.

It’s up to us to give them the opportunity to express their creativity, explore widely, and connect with their own meaningful work.” — Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners

 

What soul-withering cold-calling taught me about positivity

Published by lori on February 12, 2013 at 07:04 AM

Heather wrote a great article about my overuse of the favorite button on Twitter: Why You Should Favorite Everything.

I thought I’d follow up by talking a bit about why I have learned to focus on the positive.

When I started my first company, many years before having children, I first worked out of a spare bedroom in our house. Every day I had to make cold calls.

Making cold calls is one of the most debilitating experiences on the planet. You call someone (the coldness comes from the fact that they didn’t ask you to call and probably don’t want you to call) and try to pitch your business. Then they say no.

My sister did a brief stint in college doing online sales. She used to call me and whisper, “Just say ‘yes’ to me.” That’s what cold-calling is like. It’s just nonstop, unrelenting rejection, often with bonus rudeness.

Those were also the days when people used real phones that attached to the wall, so the end of a cold call would often be the loud sound of the other person slamming the phone down. This is a distinct disadvantage of cell phones: you can’t slam down the phone to end a conversation. You can’t really even hang up on someone; they always assume you got disconnected. We need an app for that.

Now, I was calling companies and this was pre-Internet, so there was no way for me to know the name of the person I needed to speak to — I had to ask for the department. This meant even the receptionist who answered the phone knew I was cold-calling. Sometimes, as I got passed from department to department, three or four people could be rude to me on a single call.

So, why would anyone go through this depressing, occasionally humiliating exercise? Because out of every ten calls (if you were lucky), maybe one person would say, “Hmm, okay — send me your packet.”

I forced myself to make five cold calls a day, and the tsunami of negativity that washed over me daily taught me a lot about positivity.

First, there’s a lot more negative in the world than positive — just accept the ratio and focus on getting to the good stuff. If you know it’s going to be nine no’s for every yes, just truck through the no’s to get to that yes. “Time to get nine people to reject me so I can get a new client!” Instead of focusing on the black, soul-withering experience of having nine people reject you — sometimes at length, focus on the tenth person who is actually glad to hear from you.

Second, the world doesn’t always react in the way you’d hope when you offer your particular gifts. I wasn’t selling snake oil or desert timeshares. I was simply selling a business service. And there are people in companies whose entire job is to evaluate and choose which companies to buy services from. I wasn’t calling people when they were eating dinner at home; I was calling people sitting at their desk doing their job, part of which was to talk to people like me. Still, they often reacted as though I’d come into their office and dropped a giant mackerel on their desk.

When you get to the right person, however, they are happy to hear from you. They need what you have to give. They’re excited to make the connection. They’re relieved. They want your mackerel!

Third, there is no way out but forward. When you are in the midst of things-not-going-well (perhaps getting yelled at by someone who wears their pants above their belly button — did you know you can actually *hear* spittle?), you should be forging ahead toward things-going-better. Whatever you do, don’t park yourself in the sad place.

When I was running my tiny private school, I went through a particularly painful patch when a few people were making my life very unpleasant. I pasted “FORGE AHEAD” along the top edge of my computer terminal. This is the mantra of things-not-going-welll: Forge ahead. Just keep going until you get somewhere better.

Fourth, if it was easy, everybody would do it. Randy Pausch said, “The brick walls are there for a reason. The bricks walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

I would add: The brick walls are there to build up your muscles, your endurance, and your fortitude. I could probably list another twenty lessons I learned just making cold calls. Obstacles make a lot of people quit; painful experiences make a lot of people quit. If you don’t quit, you learn from it and keep going. You take what you learn with you, and you use it. You become smarter, better at what you do, and your skin gets thicker. There’s a reason people value experience — this is it.

The reason I overuse the favorite button is because I am on a relentless hunt for the good stuff. I am looking for the people who want what I have to offer. I am looking for friends who are on a similar mission — people whose work overlaps mine. I am looking for the stuff that feeds my soul, increases my energy, lifts my spirits, and shows me the way forward.

Heather touched on something important in her article — that positivity runs both ways. If you are focusing on the positive in the world, you can focus on the positive in yourself. This is absolutely true. It is really a way of looking at the world — it’s a way of choosing what to pay attention to.

You can focus on what you don’t like, or you can focus on what you do like. Which one of those things is going to show you the way forward?

You can focus on your deficits, or you can focus on your strengths — which is going to make you stand out from the crowd?

You can focus on the people who lift you up or you can focus on the people who bring you down — which of those groups is going to help you fulfill your mission?

You can focus on what you can do or you can focus on what you can’t — which is going to help you live a life of action?

Identifying and utilizing the positive is like being able to navigate by the stars — those tiny pinpoints of light are surrounded by deep blackness, but it’s the light that will show you where to go.

 

Read more enlightening posts like the above in PBH for Grown-ups.

Finding the true path to happiness

Published by lori on February 11, 2013 at 09:18 AM

This post is part of my Monday series on PBH for Grown-ups — you can see all of the posts here.

This series is not about how to be happier. It's about how to do your meaningful work. It's about how to inject your life with purpose and meaning.

Will you be happier? Chances are you’ll be a lot happier — because happiness is a byproduct of doing meaningful work and helping others.

[A]ccording to the Center for Disease Control, about 4 out of 10 Americans have not discovered a satisfying life purpose. Forty percent either do not think their lives have a clear sense of purpose or are neutral about whether their lives have purpose. Nearly a quarter of Americans feel neutral or do not have a strong sense of what makes their lives meaningful. Research has shown that having purpose and meaning in life increases overall well-being and life satisfaction, improves mental and physical health, enhances resiliency, enhances self-esteem, and decreases the chances of depression. On top of that, the single-minded pursuit of happiness is ironically leaving people less happy, according to recent research. “It is the very pursuit of happiness,” Frankl knew, “that thwarts happiness.” — There’s More to Life than Being Happy

In the dark, if you want to see something better, you should look at it out of the corner of your eye. In the same way, if you want to be happy, you should stop pursuing happiness — stop focusing on yourself, stop turning inward, stop poking at your belly button. If you want to be happier, focus more on what you can do for others. Maximize what you have to offer and figure out how to contribute. If you want to be happier, pursue meaning and purpose. Figure out what the world needs that you can give.

Many people think “child-led learning” (or interest-led learning, or something resembling project-based homeschooling) is selfish. In their minds, encouraging children to follow their interests = letting them do whatever they want = having fun all the time = becoming selfish.

Maybe you are having the same thoughts about pursuing your own meaningful work — aren’t you just being selfish? Shouldn’t you devote more time to your children or your family or at least making a few bucks?

But how does that work exactly? Will you do a better or worse job of raising your children if you are connected with your own meaningful work? Will you be more or less likely to earn money if you’ve built up your knowledge and your skills? Will you be a better or worse leader for your family if you dedicate time toward becoming a better learner and mentor?

Is it lazy to just have fun all the time doing what you enjoy?

Doing real work that is meaningful to you is the most likely way you’re going to work hard and challenge yourself. You’re self-motivated to do well, dig deeper, have bigger ideas, and strive to make them happen. You are deeply engaged and you care enough to give more — you care enough to give everything you have. Allowing children to pursue their deep interests makes it more, not less, likely that they will make their strongest effort.

Is it selfish to pursue your own meaningful work?

PBH puts you on a continuum where you seek out help from others (mentors, experts, teachers) and you offer help to others (sharing what you know, passing on skills, creating something useful and meaningful). It is a method of learning that focuses on relationships — what others can teach us and what we can teach them, what we each need and what we each have to give.

Selfish? This is a way of learning and living that encourages generosity. Because developing your talents and acquiring skills means you have something to give.

Happiness is a slippery thing. You grab for it and it squirts away. If all you do is focus on yourself and what you want, you’ll be miserable. True happiness comes from being part of a larger world, caring about something, and making a real contribution.

Happiness is the cart that belongs behind the horse of a life lived well.

If you observe a really happy man, you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. — W. Beran Wolfe

The point of this series is to start living ourselves the engaged, learning, working, doing, making life we want for our children. The best way to help them build a life of meaning and purpose is to build that for ourselves. Every parent’s singular wish is for their child to be happy. And a life of meaning and purpose is the path to that wish fulfilled.

So get out there and start breaking the trail.

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